Sexy Humor: From Around the World, 50 politically incorrect jokes

by David Zephaniah

The following is a sample from the book:


The working woman

A Russian factory worker came back from work unusually early, because of electrical outage at the factory. When he got off the bus, and started walking towards his apartment building, a neighbor has approached him and said: “Hi Ivan. Please don’t go home right-away, because you will be unpleasantly surprised.”
Ivan looked worried. ”Misha, what are you saying? What happened?” He asked.
The neighbor answered nervously with the shaky voice: “Ivan, your wife started to whore for the money. I don’t know how to tell you this, but there is a whole line of man in your house, waiting for their turn, to fuck her”.
Ivan looked relieved. “Misha, you got me worried for nothing”, he said. “If I want to fuck her, I assure you that I don’t have to wait in line…”

One Dollar Whore

In the Communist Russia, in 1970’s, a policeman has decided to abuse the citizens. He was looking for someone, in order mentally to abuse him/her. The average citizen in Russia, in those days, was terrified of the police, because of an unbelievable corruption and the abuse of power.
Suddenly, he saw a man come out of the public bathroom, and decided to abuse him. He called the man over, and asked him: “Citizen, did you go number one or number two, just right now?”
The man answered: “number two, officer.”
Knowing that there was never a toilet paper in the public bathrooms in Russia, the officer asked: “and how did you wipe yourself?”
“I used a piece of yesterday’s newspaper,” Replied the man.
“Aha”, said the policeman, “don’t you know that it is illegal to disrespect the newspaper because it has the news about our glorious Communist party written in it? You must pay 5 Rubbles (Russian money) fine for breaking the law, right now.”
The man saw that he couldn’t win this argument, and pulled a 10 Rubble bill out of his pocket, and handed it to the police officer.
The police officer said: “don’t you have a 5 rubles bill? I don’t have any change”.
Now the man was very agitated and he replied to the officer: “what the fuck? I have to carry the right change in my pocket now?”
The officer was upset and told him: “because you have cursed, there are another 2 rubles fine.”
The frustrated man didn’t know what to do at this point and blurted out: “since you have no change, to give me back the 3 rubles, fuck you for 2 Rubbles, and your mother is a 1 rubble whore. Now you can keep the whole 10 rubles.

Join the Navy

A certain young man was very eager to join the US Navy in order to see the world and to have adventures. He enlisted for three years, and he couldn’t wait to sail.
However, after 4 month at the sea, he started longing for the company of the woman. He went to the captain and asked him what one does in this kind of situations.
The captain smiled and told him: “In the below deck, there is a cabin that is marked with the letter B. Knock the door and make sure that there is no one there, right at that moment. Once you go inside, you will see a poster of a beautiful woman on the wall. There is a hole in the wall, where her vagina supposed to be. Put your penis inside the hole and pleasure you.”
The young soldier couldn’t wait to go down to that room. The moment he got a free time on his hand, he went to the deck below and found a room that was marked B.
As he inserted his penis in the hole, in the wall, it felt good to him, and he really enjoyed. He started visiting that room frequently, sometimes twice a day to pleasure him.
After about a week, the captain called him into his room and told him: “how is the room that I told you to pleasure yourself in? Did you like it?”
The young sailor said: “I love it, and I really enjoy it.”
The captain replied: “Good, because starting tomorrow, it is your turn to stand on the other side of that wall, with your ass on the hole…”

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